Friday, October 9, 2015

Our yearn...

It burned. It began to bubble inside of me, and I could not contain it. So I quickly turned away, and starred out of the window as Marcus drove us all home. I was feeding the boys some snacks, and realized I was gonna fall mighty short, given their appetites. As the last scoop of yogurt was placed in Adan's mouth, he asked, "is that it?". Uninhibited in my response and sustained in my moment, "yes" was the truth, so that is what I told him. Just as quickly as the words left my mouth, the feeling came over me. You see, somewhere in that very moment, there was a mom struggling to scoop something, anything into her child's mouth. She is scraping whatever remnants she has available to feed her hungry children. And as I starred out of the window and caught a glimpse of my reflection, I could see her. She loves her children. To provide their bare necessities is a struggle for her. It broke my heart, knowing that it is not a struggle for me. My heart ached at the thought that "this snack" wasn't going to satiate my children in the interim of the commute. It was a palpable emotion and I broke down, hid my tears from my family, but nonetheless, I cried. Not for me, but for her.

Being a mother is the most special job I have ever had. I remember my oldest sister telling me how I would soon miss Adan inside my body once he was born. I thought she was ridiculous. Turns out she was right. Our bodies are the most precious and badass building machines. So when someone asks me to photograph them while they are in the heart of their infrastructure, I oblige. These are a few of my faves from #expectKING maternity...


  1. "Being a mother is the most special job I have ever had... Our bodies are the most precious and badass building machines." I know it's crazy but I read these words and my brain turns them into weapons against me. I know nothing I ever do will be as special as the one thing I want most and can't do. My body is NOT a badass building machine. Your photos are beautiful, Monica, and the way you love and care for your family makes my heart swell!

    1. I have no words of comfort for you Julie. What I want to offer you is my love, but you already have it. I pray for you. And your body, it is more powerful than you think. It has fought and rebuilt itself against the most invading and uninvited attack most people could sustain. Yet you did, and won. one badass rebuilding machine. Your body is perfect. You are on the other side of cancer. You had a baby. That baby is in a free place, where I pray you will one day reunite. You are one of my hero's and know that in your silence of anger there are women who are pushing you to the other side. You are made for more.