Saturday, November 22, 2014

Age is becoming, no?

I had already woken up twice, and the thought of pumping was the last thing on my mind. So I crawled back in bed, but not before standing at the foot of it, staring at what was in it. He was half covered, but fully engulfed in his dreams as his arm draped over our oldest son's chest. It was customary, these arrangements, when Adan casually got "cozy snuggles" just before bedtime on our bed, over a Friday night. We knew what he was doing, it wasn't the first time, and Marcus and I both secretly hoped that it wouldn't be the last. Six am arrived all too quickly and the little bean was awake, so I pried myself up from laying horizontally at the foot of our bed, with just enough energy to ask Marcus to get Luca. Duty called, and a couple of hours of sleep later, my boobs were being beckoned. And as our weekend morning ritual was coming to an end, we drove to IHOP. Even though hot chocolate, tea, pacifiers, Sofie and Lego's is what took up the most real estate on our table, it was the look in his eyes and that grin that carried the most equity. "What day is today," he managed to let the words escape from his lips as he rocked the baby to sleep in an over crowded restaurant. It took everything in him to refrain and allow me to discover what day had landed us in that very place, in that very moment with our very present and real life. As I pillaged through my bag and found my phone, Novemeber 22 was staring at me, convicting me with the, "how could you forget" expression. I looked right at him, holding back any self control, and said, "ah man, it's our anniversary!" As we both let that resignate between our gaze, laughter was the obvious resolution to our impeccable ability to let ourselves get absorbed in our every day life. And quite frankly, where we are right now, immersed in love with our family and for each other, forgetting what day is today isn't going to be a culprit for anything other than a celebration of what it meant for us 6 years ago. We vowed to love each other forever, we vowed to support one another and we vowed to be the others resting place when our souls need a break. And on this Saturday morning, we were just that for each other; as a family we will celebrate our every day life to honor that very day.

Marcus, our serendipitous love, our predestined love, Our Creator's Will lived out between us both, is everything I have ever wanted. You are my dream guy and I am so thankful to God for you. I love you so much. Happy Anniversary big poppa.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

my your news...

She sat on the rug, with her baby in her lap.  "Will I make him cry too, when he grows up?", she thought, as she stared into his cowlick on that brand new baby head.  It took everything in her, to not break down at that very moment, "please...PLEASE keep it together, I can't let him see me cry", she repeated over and over in her head as she stared into the face of her oldest son.  How is it that she could love him so much, and yet, hurt him just the same?  Her grace empty tank was rust filled and the little energy she had left in her body was just the catalyst her anger needed to lash out at him.  It was homework time, and as much as her intuition told her to not push forward, she was stubborn and continued.  Baby in her lap, a loaded verbal gun at her disposal, and against her better judgement, she went ahead.  A few minutes in, her mental rhetoric began, her conviction to stop arrived and the look in his eye that a different approach was desired was blarringly evident, but she plowed through, ignoring every clue to do the very opposite.  She had been here before, in fact, she was here every day since kindergarten started.  "We will be successful, we will be successful" her mantra echoed.  Meeting everyone else's expectations was a goal she just had to meet.  Nevermind the fact that meeting her son, where he was, should have superseded her current fuel to meet theirs. He deserves more, he deserves better.  And yesterday she decided to be just what he needed.  She will lovingly greet his weaknesses with gentle applause, for it is in those moments where he will find his strengths.  She will graciously meet his lack of concentration with whispering redirection, for it is in those moments where he will find his focus.  She will patiently instill a desire to learn, for it is in those moments where he will find his momentum.  She will intentionally love him through his lack of confidence, for it is in those moments where he will find me. 

I love you Adan, more than I could have possibly imagined.  I promise to love you more and more everyday, in not only the ways that you need, but in the abundant ways that your little 5 year old heart desires.