Timing...

Do u ever get tired of playing the game? U know the one. The "I don't like you but we are around each other enough so let's pretend to like each other game"?  I have to admit, I'm a genius at this game. Look, honestly I kinda pride myself in my ability to bullshit. I'm very good at it. However, I'm always the first one to bitch about your lack of sincerity where I'm concerned, directly. I'm not quite sure I know how to change this. I've tried many methods.  Sometimes I feel like I'm a walking contradiction.  My methods are successful at arms length, and are a fail miserable when you peel away the layers and find...nothing.  It's brewing, brewing bad. And I'm annoyed, beyond belief at women and their incessant ability to live in "pittyville".  I live there too, don't get me wrong.  I actually own quite a bit of property there, however I also own an even bigger amount in "have the confidence woman or you better pretend you do valley".  What I really want to do and what I am allowed to do are at a difference of extremes right now.  I wish that I could shake half of the people that take up the same air space as I do.  I feel like I have always been that girl that talks to everyone.  I've always been that way.  At the grocery store, I look for name tags and call you by name, just what I do.  In college, I did all the social events, because I was stupid enough to think we could all actually get along.  At my new job, I've tried to do the same, but there are always those damn winey ass women who just can't seem to pull their pathetic personalities out of their own ass and maybe step out of their comfort zone and do the same for themselves that they expect me to do for them.  Stop blaming everyone else for your inability to crack the damn code that doesn't even exist.  You are amazing at creating a wall for yourself that we all see and have no desire to break because the rebuttal of conformity for yourself would be, "I'm just not good enough".  Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, I feel the same way you do, and that I am so good at the game that you have no clue I am more alike than different from you?  And that it is women like you that are creating problems for people that are just trying to show up and do a job and get the fuck home.  I AM SO PISSED.  Even more pissed that the other more endearing quality that I have, the ability to vault it up and throw the key away, has just literally bit me so hard on my ass, it's bigger.  And I never thought my butt could get any bigger, go figure.  Grow up.  All of you.  Seriously, grow up. 

On another lighter note.  My husband and I got in the hot tub last night, a la nude.  And it was amazing.  I have never skinny dipped in a hot tub.  The moon was full, the beer was ice cold and the steam was present, literally, get your mind out of the gutter.  It was awesome.  You all know how Marcus is quite the code to crack, but he was a chatter box last night and it was fun to listen.  I love you for fixing it, you always fix it but moreover, you fix me.