Thursday, April 28, 2016

Forming...

I have been doing this parenting thing for a few years now, and it has not gotten any easier. In fact, I believe the older they get, the harder it becomes. I will let my mind take me to some pretty scary places if I let it. The other day I got to thinking about my children, and what their future will be like; their wives, their children, their old age. Truth is, I think about it often. I have always prayed for my children's future. In all areas of their life. But lately, the weight of their wives has been extra heavy. So I pray for them, even now. What does that look like? Well, I just ask that God would mold their wives for them, starting now. I ask God to send them loving, patient, kind, honest, genuine and caring women to partner through their life. I ask God to send them women who are of same faith, women who will pursue Him alone, and can then pursue Him too, with my sons. I also ask that my boys would know when to fall in love, and to only give their heart away to the right woman, the woman they will marry. I know that it has to be enough, that it is enough, prayer. And quite frankly, it is the best thing that I can do for them. But sometimes I let my mind go there, to the unwelcome yet haunting inevitable, potential time where we are all headed. I see them, in their old age, alone, wifeless and childless, and it kills me. Before I even have the chance to ponder the question, I am reminded of the answer. The one that lives inside of me and pretends to not exist, pacifying my incessant need to control everything. My steps, our steps are marked, and so are my thoughts, and even when I find myself veering off into a thought process that does not belong to Him, I'm shielded. And that shield comes in the form of my fellow, Christ loving, mom friends. It's familiar, their response; because I have been here before. I hear it living in the replies of my parents advice, when I emotionally breakdown and share my insecurities as a parent; because I have been here before. But I am also stubborn. My own selfish human desire seeks it anyways. It, the want for my children to have a wonderful long, happy life, never wanders far. I'm not going to lie, trusting my heavenly Father to bring forth a will that I too will rejoice in, is hard. How in the world can I trust that deeply when it comes to my own children? Well...they are not mine. They do not belong to me. I often find that God will teach me some of my most important lessons through an internal struggle that comes in the form of a third party. I am compassionate, and suffer greatly at the hands of others' sadness. I am at the forefront of their turmoil, internalize it, carry it, give it to God, and through His resolve, I'm shown that the lesson truly lies with me. And I'm awakened with the thought of what my prayer should be truly focused on, when referencing my kids. It's just that I can sometimes be my own worst enemy, and will allow the fog to distract me from emmulating the only type of catalyst I should be focused on. And that my friends is love. Love is what God does best. Love is what Jesus was. And in the end, love is what will win.

Is it as hard for you as it is for me? Do you think about your kids future like I do? Are you afraid for what they will face when they get older, or is it just me?

I am beginning a specific daily dedication to prayer for myself and anyone else who needs it, focusing on mothering. If you are a mom that is struggling with something, and need help or want help, can I pray for you? You do not need to believe in prayer, because I do and I will go to God for you. I would love to have to opportunity to love on you through prayer. Please either comment below, text me or send me an email.

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