You all know Marcus, and how much I love him, how I feel that I am the luckiest girl in the world, but one thing my sweet man is not the best at, is giving me love the way I know to receive it best. Marcus is always there for me, if I ask him for ANYTHING, done...if I need him to "fix it", done...if I need him to satisfy me in the bedroom, done...on that note, have you ever had an orgasm so good it could have the potential to hurt, it's that intense? I have, and have them often, it's that done...however, the everyday "touch" acknowledgements I need, not so done. A very long time ago, my mom gave me a book called, "the five love languages", and back then I put major stock in that book, it rang true, resonated as relationship gospel, and you know if something is in pure parallel with what you already believe, then bam, it's over. The book emphasizes the differences people have in the way that they feel most loved. How when you love someone, and you give love, you are demonstrating it in the way you would like it given to you. I'm a big "touch" person, it means so much to get it, and feel most loved when I do. Touching me means much more than if you swept the floor, or cooked me dinner. And this book describes all the different ways, how you fall into 1 of 5 or a combo of the 5 ways, how crucial it is for your partner to learn the way you receive love, and how true success comes only after the both of you deliver it to one another in "their" way. That way of thinking has consumed me my entire "old enough to think on my own" life. Caused many a fight between us two, and the texture of the request isn't the same when repeated often. Oh marriage, compromise, just doesn't have the same meaning unless you are married. Here is the truth people, as a parent, compromise officially takes a new form, and the butter that spreads easier is learning to slice the bread with a different knife. Your kid has no way to know that you love it when you're touched, or that possibly crawling past you to get a toy while intentionally swiping by your leg is what will brighten your day. They just know how to exist. It is up to us to see in them the love that he/she has the capability to give. You have to learn their gestures, adopt their method, and soak in it. Why can't I apply that to my partner in life? Will my relationship with my child be doomed, because he doesn't love me the way I am comfortable with? Absolutely not. Shame on me for putting that level of importance on having my love tank suffer because my selfish way of thinking pressures my husband to relearn a method that is so uncomfortable for him. He loves the shit out of me, daily, and it has taken me becoming a parent to see that. Screw me for not learning to receive love in the many forms it exists. Love isn't a one dimensional self inflicted handicap, it's a transforming, many level, tons of flavor dish, and thanks to Adan my heart steams at the sight of many things. Below is my heart brewing with warmth over my eyes ability to transform simple images into touchable forces for my soul.
|Aunt Sylvia soaking up a little love for herself|
|Halo's for both of these boys|
|If a picture could talk...luckily for you, I do, and all I'm saying is...LOVE LOVE LOVE|
|He'll take your money, but not before he steals your heart|
|Easy on the eyes, effortless in my soul|
As my days fill with time, and my heart fills with you
How can I fight this feeling of truth.
Not seeing the love that you had just for me,
Blinded by selfish injustice that seethes.
It's obvious to some, but not to the ones
that surrender only their mind to their love.
For it's with your heart that my soul belongs
abundantly living, emotionally strong.