Tuesday, October 25, 2011

for what?...

The holidays are right around the corner and I in particular have them all jacked up. For the sake of this post, Halloween shall be bundled in. I haven't had a Halloween off in four years, present year included. I have always had Christmas Eve and Christmas off. Yup, not so much this year, and I sure as hell haven't had a New Years Eve off...this is how my year end will go...

Work Halloween
Work Thanksgiving
Off Christmas Eve
Work Christmas
Off New Years Eve
Work New Years Day

The light at the end of my tunnel through the holiday season has always been the shiny green lining (the major bank I get for Holiday pay!!).

I started a new job. It's been so great and not so great all in the same. I left Parkland a while back, sucks really because the idea of that place is the reason I went to work there, however the way it is run, and the management in the unit I had in particular, is sitting so very near to the right hand of Satan, it's scary. Sometimes the intent people have is pure, however the delivery and manner in which it is given can over shadow and kill the purpose. Every nurse on that unit could have painted them a picture, acted out a scene, dressed in ultraviolet colors and tattooed the issues and potential resolutions on their dang foreheads, and their obligatory response shall we say would and always was..."our hands are tied." Welp, here is my hand tied...ever so securely around a much larger paycheck, more support and an environment that appreciates and advocates largely for the people that make the place run. Finely, to be on a winning team. Kinda nice. The not so great part is that I am new, and I'm still learning. Leaving a place that was cake and coming to a place that isn't, yet...is tough. But in 6 months, my view shall and will have changed.

Nearly 20 lbs or so ago, I was dreaming of the "damn", and on my way home today, I kinda got one. I use the word kinda because I wasn't quite sure if he was "damn'n" at me for my hottness, or because I just kinda sorta almost killed him with my swift driving skills, eek.

I really hate my next door neighbors, for many reasons. Hate, it is such a strong word, but man!!! Partly because the kids have a mom who sleeps all the time and ignores her kids, let's them run rampant...oh crap, kinda sounds like me. Well maybe not completely, but she drives me crazy, maybe because she is my virtual mirror. Bitch. (Ps. I don't sleep all the time, just kinda wish I could, am I alone in that?) I really gotta get this house done so we can move back to Dallas, I almost ran over one of those damn kids today...a little human bowling always makes for a fun evening.

Ok, so look it, I think I'm kind of a drama queen. I know I know, some of "you's" may already know that, however, I think I'm ready to accept it, finally. I will listen to music and literally jump into the song, I pretend I'm the jilted bride, the over the top in love man's girlfriend, the broken hearted lover, etc. I go as far as to make believe the part, I dive into character, you'd think I was auditioning or something, gaah...I'm all of the above, kinda embarrassing, however, I continue to do it. What does that mean? I remember dating Marcus, and fighting with him over dumb crap, you know the, "you don't love me...are we ever gonna get married...I'm not having sex with you anymore, it's wrong, we should wait till we get married, so, when are we getting married...if you don't change, I'm breaking up with you", just me? And then the climactic reconciliation after a day or so was like crack to the bare foot pregnant feener. It was such a glorious high for me to have "it" feel fresh and new again. I'm 31 years old and I still search for it that way, in more suttle ways of course...I've come to the conclusion that I'm a song jumper, and that is okay with me. Song jumping yields a better and safer high than marriage jumping.

In a quick rehash of the fair photos via my Canon AE1, I realized that Big Tex wears Dickies. He's so cool.

I really want to do something fantastic for New Years Eve. Something real grown up like. I would love to book a fancy dinner with friends, then head over to a fancy party, where I can check my coat, and I'm greeted with champagne. Then the waiter passing out hors d'oeuvres would compliment my gown, and whisper in my ear, "if I wasn't gay I would hit on you". You know, something pearl clenching worthy. ;-)

RiRi is here again, excited Ese'me Street is. You know, I have always tried pulling off a Yoda sentence, and I think I just did. And in an effort to not ruin my moment, I'm done for the night.

Buenas Noches mi gente.
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