fear. not.

Arms crossed, blank stare and a restless posture, that is my view as I stop and take in what is brewing in the corner of my eye. He is thinking. He is a thinker, always has been. If it has arrived at his lips to speak, it is because he has spent countless seconds, minutes, hours, months even, calculating the worth and weight of his words. He is a man that carries a level heart and mind to anything he approaches. As he navigates his business in these unsure times, he still finds a way to take on the clients potential financial burdens for the services he continues to provide. I ask him, "What are you doing?", and he replies, "Getting ready to send this email for my retainer fee with ______ Airlines," but not without an emotional disruption to his overall demeanor as he speaks, and he follows with, "and I just want to make sure it's fair." How can you quantify what is truly fair? I mean, whether we are navigating a new normal in our country or living out, historically what might return as a new normal, how can we truly objectify, monetarily and tangibly produce our worth to someone else? Is it possible to state what you feel you can provide in hopes that someone aligns with your thinking and actually reward you accordingly? Appraising our worth is not our job, ever. Yet we spend so much time, professionally in this instance, doing it. Maybe your business requires you to, maybe your relationships force you to value your time or maybe your role as a mother ignites a need to be validated in your efforts, especially now. Whose job is it then? Who does that role truly belong to? Our church at home this morning was everything my heart needed to hear, and affirmed what my heart had been longing to audibly hear. It has been months where God has placed a prayer redirection over my family. Simply put, my focus has been on Jesus and Jesus alone when I approach Him on behalf of them, in prayer. That they would seek and find, pursue and surrender everything they are to Him, period. I can't help but be reminded of how simple His pursuit of us is. How in all things He wishes to dwell, and if we invite Him to, He will take on that burden and yoke us. (Matthew 11:25-28). Let your worth and who you are be defined by the One who created you. Easier said than done, I know. Half the time, when I blog, which hasn't been since last year, I write for myself. I write so that I can be pushed outside of my comfort, so that I can be reminded of how far I've come and to visualize where I want to be. Sitting across from my husband, my brother in Christ and my partner in life, I'm reminded of how inconsequential my love for him is in comparison to God's love for him. Husband, father and business owner are some of his most invaluable roles, but the struggle he currently campaigns internally to translate onto this email, I know is found in the decision he made to follow Jesus over 15 years ago. He will always be a man that invites the Lord to be a part of all the decisions he makes, and that is truly where his incomparable worth resides anyways. And so should yours.

Hope these lyrics can speak to you, even if I can't.

Social Club Misfits - Enough (ft. Austin French) (Lyric Video)