Tuesday, June 23, 2015

of the essence...

We all piled into the car, as if this drive was anything new. The commute came and went, my hearts heavy beats had absolutely no control to lapse the short hand backwards in time. My wifely, supportive duties were yearning for hibernation. The part of me that is supposed to support and encourage, doesn't always willingly participate when it is summoned, especially when it involves having to say goodbye. He was leaving us. He was going on a plane, far away, and he was leaving us. I get out of the car to meet his embrace, and I do not want to let go. I never cry when he leaves, but this time was different. I couldn't hold back the tears, and my gates opened. There on the sidewalk of the terminal, I let the concrete have it, as it took my drained heart and absorbed any strength I had to hold it together. And as I made my way back into the car, I could see that Adan was still sleeping. Waking him was going to be the beginning of a sorrow we all hate to acknowledge. As Marcus leaned in to scoop him up, the weight of a sleeping 6 year old became too much to carry, and they both held each other as if all the time they had spent together up until now was bottled into this moment, and never to reemerge. I hate to see Adan cry, especially at the expense of sadness. As he puts Adan back down in his seat, I see him glance over at Luca. It was copious, it was obvious, and it was bearing down on his heart and glaringly visible on his face as he began to unbuckle the car seat. Marcus rarely cries, so when I see him breakdown because he will miss his children, it reminds me of the kind of man he is. He is the most present man I know, and I cannot for the life of me seem to wrap my mind around not having him around. I know that these trips he takes are just temporary, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit to you all, that in his absence I am weak. I always envision my/our life without him, while he is away. I attempt to navigate life here, with our sons, imagining what it would truly be like if he never came back. It is horrible. It is unimaginable yet a lingering living thought that wanders inside a place that deserves hollowness, yet I manage to give it plenty of layering, mental depth. He is aware and observant, when I think I'm paying attention. He is smart and witty, when I think I have had the last word. He is playful and energetic, when I think I have mastered the game. He is gentle and sexy, when I think I have approached with ease. And I miss him. His children miss him. He left us on Father's Day, and we will receive him on Father's Day, because everyday should be a celebration of the time we have together. Perth and Brisbane will have him for a week, and we will gladly receive him for the rest.

Time and Love. Two of my favorite things. When you have both, you have it all. The Horkey's are a special family who have been given both. Acknowledging that these are gifts from God, make them even sweeter. I was asked to come to their house to snap some pics as they hung around their house. And these are a few of my faves.
aka Londy
aka (still working on it)
Chelsea, London and Jude
Love has no end!

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